What Is Love? What Should It Be?
We use the word "love" constantly, yet most of us would struggle to define it clearly. We say we love our partners, our families, our friends, our pets, our favorite foods, and even our jobs. This linguistic confusion reflects a deeper uncertainty about what love actually is and how we can distinguish genuine love from its counterfeits: obsession, need, habit, or fantasy.
The question becomes urgent when we realize that our unclear definitions of love may be sabotaging our relationships and our own well-being. If we mistake possessiveness for care, dependency for devotion, or romantic fantasy for authentic connection, we may spend years in relationships that feel hollow or harmful. How do we develop a clearer understanding of what love is and what it should be?
Our conversation will explore:
How do we distinguish genuine love from its imitations?
What does it mean to love someone without trying to control them?
How do cultural myths about romance distort our understanding of real love?
What Is Love? What Should It Be?
We use the word "love" constantly, yet most of us would struggle to define it clearly. We say we love our partners, our families, our friends, our pets, our favorite foods, and even our jobs. This linguistic confusion reflects a deeper uncertainty about what love actually is and how we can distinguish genuine love from its counterfeits: obsession, need, habit, or fantasy.
The question becomes urgent when we realize that our unclear definitions of love may be sabotaging our relationships and our own well-being. If we mistake possessiveness for care, dependency for devotion, or romantic fantasy for authentic connection, we may spend years in relationships that feel hollow or harmful. How do we develop a clearer understanding of what love is and what it should be?
Our conversation will explore:
How do we distinguish genuine love from its imitations?
What does it mean to love someone without trying to control them?
How do cultural myths about romance distort our understanding of real love?
We use the word "love" constantly, yet most of us would struggle to define it clearly. We say we love our partners, our families, our friends, our pets, our favorite foods, and even our jobs. This linguistic confusion reflects a deeper uncertainty about what love actually is and how we can distinguish genuine love from its counterfeits: obsession, need, habit, or fantasy.
The question becomes urgent when we realize that our unclear definitions of love may be sabotaging our relationships and our own well-being. If we mistake possessiveness for care, dependency for devotion, or romantic fantasy for authentic connection, we may spend years in relationships that feel hollow or harmful. How do we develop a clearer understanding of what love is and what it should be?
Our conversation will explore:
How do we distinguish genuine love from its imitations?
What does it mean to love someone without trying to control them?
How do cultural myths about romance distort our understanding of real love?
Conversation Catalysts
At Premise, a Conversation Catalyst is a short story, essay, film, or poem that sparks reflection and connection. It’s the shared reference point that grounds each session and opens the door to meaningful and deep conversation.
All About Love by bell hooks (Selected Chapters: 1 "Clarity," 4 "Commitment," 10 "Romance")
Preparation: < 1.5 hours
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We examine how philosophical clarity and practical wisdom can transform our understanding of love from confusion to genuine connection.
"All About Love" by bell hooks (Selected Chapters: Clarity, Commitment, Romance)
hooks argues that our culture's failure to define love clearly creates chaos in our relationships and inner lives. She proposes that love combines care, affection, recognition, respect, commitment, and trust, distinguishing it from mere attraction, need, or habit. Through examining commitment and romance, she reveals how genuine love requires sustained choice and action rather than passive feeling, and how romantic myths often prevent us from experiencing authentic intimacy.
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All About Love by bell hooks (Selected Chapters: 1 "Clarity," 4 "Commitment," 10 "Romance")
Preparation: < 1.5 hours
We examine how philosophical clarity and practical wisdom can transform our understanding of love from confusion to genuine connection.
"All About Love" by bell hooks (Selected Chapters: Clarity, Commitment, Romance)
hooks argues that our culture's failure to define love clearly creates chaos in our relationships and inner lives. She proposes that love combines care, affection, recognition, respect, commitment, and trust, distinguishing it from mere attraction, need, or habit. Through examining commitment and romance, she reveals how genuine love requires sustained choice and action rather than passive feeling, and how romantic myths often prevent us from experiencing authentic intimacy.
Conversation Catalysts
At Premise, a Conversation Catalyst is a short story, essay, film, or poem that sparks reflection and connection. It’s the shared reference point that grounds each session and opens the door to meaningful and deep conversation.
All About Love by bell hooks (Selected Chapters: 1 "Clarity," 4 "Commitment," 10 "Romance")
Text Set A
Preparation: < 1.5 hours
Session Description
We examine how philosophical clarity and practical wisdom can transform our understanding of love from confusion to genuine connection.
"All About Love" by bell hooks (Selected Chapters: Clarity, Commitment, Romance)
hooks argues that our culture's failure to define love clearly creates chaos in our relationships and inner lives. She proposes that love combines care, affection, recognition, respect, commitment, and trust, distinguishing it from mere attraction, need, or habit. Through examining commitment and romance, she reveals how genuine love requires sustained choice and action rather than passive feeling, and how romantic myths often prevent us from experiencing authentic intimacy.
hooks challenges us to examine our assumptions and behaviors around love with honesty and courage. She asks: What happens when we stop confusing love with need, possession, or fantasy? How does defining love as action rather than feeling change the way we approach relationships? What would change if we valued growth and truth over comfort and control in our connections with others?
Text Set A
Preparation: < 1.5 hours
Session Description
We examine how philosophical clarity and practical wisdom can transform our understanding of love from confusion to genuine connection.
"All About Love" by bell hooks (Selected Chapters: Clarity, Commitment, Romance)
hooks argues that our culture's failure to define love clearly creates chaos in our relationships and inner lives. She proposes that love combines care, affection, recognition, respect, commitment, and trust, distinguishing it from mere attraction, need, or habit. Through examining commitment and romance, she reveals how genuine love requires sustained choice and action rather than passive feeling, and how romantic myths often prevent us from experiencing authentic intimacy.
hooks challenges us to examine our assumptions and behaviors around love with honesty and courage. She asks: What happens when we stop confusing love with need, possession, or fantasy? How does defining love as action rather than feeling change the way we approach relationships? What would change if we valued growth and truth over comfort and control in our connections with others?
Conversation Catalysts
At Premise, a Conversation Catalyst is a short story, essay, film, or poem that sparks reflection and connection. It’s the shared reference point that grounds each session and opens the door to meaningful and deep conversation.
"The Lady with the Dog" by Anton Chekhov
"The Storm" by Kate Chopin
"A Rose for Emily" by William Faulkner
Text Set B
Preparation: < 1.5 hours
Session Description
We explore how literature reveals love's complexity through sacrifice, transformation, and obsession.
"The Lady with the Dog" by Anton Chekhov
Chekhov's story follows two people who begin what they expect to be a casual affair but gradually discover they have found genuine love. The transformation from superficial attraction to deep connection reveals how real love often develops quietly and unexpectedly, distinguished not by passion or drama but by the desire to know and care for another person completely.
Chekhov's subtle portrayal illuminates love's authentic qualities through character development rather than explicit analysis. He asks: How do we recognize when attraction has deepened into genuine love? What distinguishes relationships that transform us from those that merely entertain or comfort us? How does real love change our understanding of ourselves and what we want from life?
"The Storm" by Kate Chopin
Chopin's story depicts a brief passionate encounter between two former lovers during a storm while both are married to other people. Rather than condemning their affair, the narrative suggests that intense passion can exist alongside committed relationships, exploring the complexity of desire and the different forms love can take.
Chopin's bold exploration of sexual passion and emotional complexity challenges conventional moral judgments about love. She asks: Can genuine love exist in multiple forms simultaneously? What is the relationship between passion and commitment? How do we reconcile desire with moral responsibility in our relationships?
"A Rose for Emily" by William Faulkner
Faulkner's gothic story depicts Emily Grierson, a woman whose desperate need for love leads her to extreme and disturbing actions to prevent abandonment. The story serves as a cautionary tale about how the fear of loss can corrupt love into possession and control, revealing the dark side of romantic obsession.
Faulkner's narrative warns about love's potential to become destructive when driven by fear and control. He asks: When does love become possession? What happens when our fear of being alone drives our relationships? How do we distinguish between caring for someone and trying to control them?
Text Set A
Preparation: < 1.5 hours
Session Description
We examine how philosophical clarity and practical wisdom can transform our understanding of love from confusion to genuine connection.
"All About Love" by bell hooks (Selected Chapters: Clarity, Commitment, Romance)
hooks argues that our culture's failure to define love clearly creates chaos in our relationships and inner lives. She proposes that love combines care, affection, recognition, respect, commitment, and trust, distinguishing it from mere attraction, need, or habit. Through examining commitment and romance, she reveals how genuine love requires sustained choice and action rather than passive feeling, and how romantic myths often prevent us from experiencing authentic intimacy.
hooks challenges us to examine our assumptions and behaviors around love with honesty and courage. She asks: What happens when we stop confusing love with need, possession, or fantasy? How does defining love as action rather than feeling change the way we approach relationships? What would change if we valued growth and truth over comfort and control in our connections with others?