How Do Other People's Expectations Shape Who We Become?
We like to think of ourselves as independent individuals who make our own choices, yet we constantly adjust our behavior based on what we think others expect from us. Sometimes these adjustments feel minor and natural, like dressing differently for work than for home. Other times, we find ourselves acting in ways that surprise or disturb us, driven by invisible pressures to meet expectations we never consciously agreed to accept.
The question becomes complex when we realize that some expectations can inspire us to become better versions of ourselves, while others can trap us in roles that feel false or harmful. How do we distinguish between healthy social influence that helps us grow and toxic pressure that diminishes our authenticity? When do other people's expectations become more powerful than our own sense of right and wrong?
Our conversation will explore:
When do expectations help us grow, versus when do they limit us?
How do we know which version of ourselves is most authentic?
What happens when pleasing others conflicts with our own values?
How Do Other People's Expectations Shape Who We Become?
We like to think of ourselves as independent individuals who make our own choices, yet we constantly adjust our behavior based on what we think others expect from us. Sometimes these adjustments feel minor and natural, like dressing differently for work than for home. Other times, we find ourselves acting in ways that surprise or disturb us, driven by invisible pressures to meet expectations we never consciously agreed to accept.
The question becomes complex when we realize that some expectations can inspire us to become better versions of ourselves, while others can trap us in roles that feel false or harmful. How do we distinguish between healthy social influence that helps us grow and toxic pressure that diminishes our authenticity? When do other people's expectations become more powerful than our own sense of right and wrong?
Our conversation will explore:
When do expectations help us grow, versus when do they limit us?
How do we know which version of ourselves is most authentic?
What happens when pleasing others conflicts with our own values?
We like to think of ourselves as independent individuals who make our own choices, yet we constantly adjust our behavior based on what we think others expect from us. Sometimes these adjustments feel minor and natural, like dressing differently for work than for home. Other times, we find ourselves acting in ways that surprise or disturb us, driven by invisible pressures to meet expectations we never consciously agreed to accept.
The question becomes complex when we realize that some expectations can inspire us to become better versions of ourselves, while others can trap us in roles that feel false or harmful. How do we distinguish between healthy social influence that helps us grow and toxic pressure that diminishes our authenticity? When do other people's expectations become more powerful than our own sense of right and wrong?
Our conversation will explore:
When do expectations help us grow, versus when do they limit us?
How do we know which version of ourselves is most authentic?
What happens when pleasing others conflicts with our own values?
Conversation Catalysts
At Premise, a Conversation Catalyst is a short story, essay, film, or poem that sparks reflection and connection. It’s the shared reference point that grounds each session and opens the door to meaningful and deep conversation.
"Shooting an Elephant" by George Orwell
Preparation: < 1.5 hours
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We examine how social pressure can force us to act against our own better judgment and moral convictions.
"Shooting an Elephant" by George Orwell
Orwell recounts a moment when he felt compelled to act against his own judgment to avoid disappointing or appearing weak in front of others. Despite knowing his action was unnecessary and wrong, he proceeds because the weight of others' expectations feels more powerful than his own moral compass. The essay reveals how the fear of judgment can override our better instincts and force us into choices that leave us feeling ashamed and diminished.
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"Shooting an Elephant" by George Orwell
Preparation: < 1.5 hours
We examine how social pressure can force us to act against our own better judgment and moral convictions.
"Shooting an Elephant" by George Orwell
Orwell recounts a moment when he felt compelled to act against his own judgment to avoid disappointing or appearing weak in front of others. Despite knowing his action was unnecessary and wrong, he proceeds because the weight of others' expectations feels more powerful than his own moral compass. The essay reveals how the fear of judgment can override our better instincts and force us into choices that leave us feeling ashamed and diminished.
Conversation Catalysts
At Premise, a Conversation Catalyst is a short story, essay, film, or poem that sparks reflection and connection. It’s the shared reference point that grounds each session and opens the door to meaningful and deep conversation.
"Shooting an Elephant" by George Orwell
Text Set A
Preparation: < 1.5 hours
Session Description
We examine how social pressure can force us to act against our own better judgment and moral convictions.
"Shooting an Elephant" by George Orwell
Orwell recounts a moment when he felt compelled to act against his own judgment to avoid disappointing or appearing weak in front of others. Despite knowing his action was unnecessary and wrong, he proceeds because the weight of others' expectations feels more powerful than his own moral compass. The essay reveals how the fear of judgment can override our better instincts and force us into choices that leave us feeling ashamed and diminished.
Orwell's honest self-examination exposes the gap between our private convictions and our public behavior. He asks: How do we find ourselves doing things we know are wrong simply to meet others' expectations? What happens when avoiding embarrassment becomes more important than doing what's right? How does the fear of judgment change who we become?
Text Set A
Preparation: < 1.5 hours
Session Description
We examine how social pressure can force us to act against our own better judgment and moral convictions.
"Shooting an Elephant" by George Orwell
Orwell recounts a moment when he felt compelled to act against his own judgment to avoid disappointing or appearing weak in front of others. Despite knowing his action was unnecessary and wrong, he proceeds because the weight of others' expectations feels more powerful than his own moral compass. The essay reveals how the fear of judgment can override our better instincts and force us into choices that leave us feeling ashamed and diminished.
Orwell's honest self-examination exposes the gap between our private convictions and our public behavior. He asks: How do we find ourselves doing things we know are wrong simply to meet others' expectations? What happens when avoiding embarrassment becomes more important than doing what's right? How does the fear of judgment change who we become?
Conversation Catalysts
At Premise, a Conversation Catalyst is a short story, essay, film, or poem that sparks reflection and connection. It’s the shared reference point that grounds each session and opens the door to meaningful and deep conversation.
"The Lesson" by Toni Cade Bambara
"Roman Fever" by Edith Wharton
Text Set B
Preparation: < 1.5 hours
Session Description
We explore how expectations based on class and social competition shape identity and behavior across different life stages.
"The Lesson" by Toni Cade Bambara
Bambara's story follows a group of children from a poor neighborhood who are taken to an expensive toy store by their community elder, Miss Moore. The experience forces the young narrator to confront economic inequality and question assumptions about what she deserves and what's possible for her future. The story explores how societal expectations based on race and class can limit children's sense of possibility, while also showing how exposure to different expectations can be transformative.
Bambara reveals how expectations can both constrain and liberate depending on who sets them and how they're delivered. She asks: How do economic and social expectations shape what children believe is possible for their lives? What happens when someone challenges us to expect more from ourselves? How do we overcome limiting beliefs that others have imposed on us?
"Roman Fever" by Edith Wharton
Wharton's story follows two middle-aged women reminiscing about their youth while overlooking Rome. As they discuss their daughters and past relationships, buried rivalries emerge that reveal how social expectations about women's roles, marriage, and respectability shaped their entire lives. The story explores how the pressure to conform to social standards can lead to deception, competition, and lifelong resentment.
Wharton examines how social expectations can poison relationships and limit authentic self-expression. She asks: How do expectations about proper behavior prevent us from being honest with others and ourselves? What happens when competition for social approval becomes more important than genuine friendship? How do the roles society expects us to play affect our capacity for authentic relationships?
Text Set A
Preparation: < 1.5 hours
Session Description
We examine how social pressure can force us to act against our own better judgment and moral convictions.
"Shooting an Elephant" by George Orwell
Orwell recounts a moment when he felt compelled to act against his own judgment to avoid disappointing or appearing weak in front of others. Despite knowing his action was unnecessary and wrong, he proceeds because the weight of others' expectations feels more powerful than his own moral compass. The essay reveals how the fear of judgment can override our better instincts and force us into choices that leave us feeling ashamed and diminished.
Orwell's honest self-examination exposes the gap between our private convictions and our public behavior. He asks: How do we find ourselves doing things we know are wrong simply to meet others' expectations? What happens when avoiding embarrassment becomes more important than doing what's right? How does the fear of judgment change who we become?